Today at the supermarket I scanned a red onion as a regular white onion.
Haha, take that society!!!
Then I stepped in dog crap. Balance restored.
Much like my inability to correctly read a DH trail life has me starring down at my feet when instead I should be looking ahead to get myself realigned and pointing in the right direction. After seemingly losing any a sense of purpose lately I find my lack of focus is blinding me to what I once saw with absolute clarity. I'm filled with a silent devotion to punishing myself because I feel completely lost, and when I feel lost everything seems pointless - It's like sculling on the surface of an endless expanse of tedious regularity with a fear of something unknown circling below in the dark abyss just beneath my feet, and I'm almost willing it to drag me under...
...Did you feel that?
This detachment goes hand-in-hand with a bitchy intolerance of others as each inconsequential syllable they utter hammers through my head like a rusty 9" nail to the brain. Understandably my mind wanders in a working environment which seems to siphon the very essence of my soul leaving behind nothing but an autistic shell to fend for itself, all wide-eyed and drooling like a mental patient on day release.
But even when I do have something to say I find my words diluted in the precedence of others and once again I'm floundering in a sea of insignificance, feeling desperately unimportant and completely disconnected from the world.
Maybe I have a chemical imbalance?
I'm not reliant on others to make me happy, but lately it feels like I'm waiting for something to happen instead of getting off my ever-expanding arse to seek out new challenges.
I don't have preposterous hobbies and my options are neither limited or unobtainable should I wish to better myself in any of them. My camera and bike are always up for a good time, both are accepting should I choose to remain silent or vent my frustration through petulant bouts of self-deprecating doubt.
I take a deep breath.
Before I start redecorating my living space with grey matter I've decided to enrol myself on an adult learning course at the local college. I'm thinking something creative, maybe I'll find a new medium in which to express myself instead of bashing my face into the keyboard until words of enmity appear before me.
Oh, I'm also learning to drive, so wish me luck...
