Is it that I don't want people saying nice things about me, or that I don't feel worthy of receiving praise? Why do I refuse help and then feel as if nobody is willing to offer it?
I am a weed in a flower bed, a stone in deep water...
After a number of weeks feeling like I'm looking in on my own life I've decided to reclaim my body and make it walk forwards. These irrational thoughts have become so commonplace that they now carry a degree of predictability, and with predictability comes a certain amount of control.
Acknowledging ones own madness, admitting to yourself that nobody else is to blame can be the first step to quenching a persons emotional thirst, allowing them to once again drink from the pool of options available.
Today has been such a day for me...
Out jumping on my bike, drinking wine in good company and discussing ideas with fellow creative types managed to crack a shell of doubt that has recently cocooned me. Another blast around the garden this afternoon whilst listening to rock music made me feel like a god. And as I sat there taking in the world, watching the wind dance amongst the trees, some of it caught my sagged sail and I drifted out across a sea of quiet contemplation feeling completely free.
Feeling driven to do more has once again made me set myself goals, and having something to aim for is half the battle won: When my funds are a little more balanced I'm going to stock up on art supplies and get back to sculpting, I'll also be taking up a home studies course in psychology; something I started years ago but never finished!
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